Bringing a toy into partnered intimacy isn't a sign that something's missing — it's a way to add variety, try new sensations and learn more about each other. Here's how to start the conversation and which toys make it easy.
How to bring it up
Talking about toys can feel awkward, but it's usually far less dramatic than people expect. A few tips:
- Choose a relaxed moment outside the bedroom, when neither of you is distracted.
- Frame it as curiosity, not a fix. "I saw something I thought might be fun to try together" lands very differently from "I think we need something new".
- Browse together. Looking at a site side by side turns it into a shared project rather than a proposal.
- Agree on a pace. It's fine to start small and decide together what comes next.
Consent and comfort come first, every time. Our article on creating safer, healthier intimacy is a good read before you begin.
The easiest couples' toys to start with
Vibrating rings
A vibrating ring is worn at the base of the penis or a strap-on during penetration, with a small vibrating section positioned to stimulate the partner's clitoris. Both partners feel it. The Élan Vibrating Couples' Ring is soft, stretchy and simple to use — a great first couples' toy. Read more in our guide to rings.
Remote-controlled toys
Remote toys hand control to a partner, which adds anticipation and playfulness. The Liaison Remote-Controlled Plug is a soft silicone, USB-rechargeable plug with a remote — designed to be shared. If you're new to anal play, start with our beginner's guide.
Small vibrators
A bullet or wand can be used during sex, during foreplay, or by one partner on the other. Small toys fit easily between bodies.
Sensory accessories
A blindfold or soft rope changes the feel of everything else. See our guide to sensory play for beginners.
Five ideas to try together
- Show and tell. Let one partner show the other how they like a toy used.
- Take turns in control of a remote — one evening each.
- Slow foreplay with a blindfold. Taking away sight makes touch feel new.
- Add a ring during sex for extra sensation for both of you.
- Explore without a goal. Agree beforehand that it's about discovery, not a finish line.
Practical tips
- Use plenty of water-based lube — it's compatible with silicone toys and latex condoms. See our lube guide.
- Charge toys before date night. Nothing breaks the mood like a flat battery.
- Clean toys before and after. If you're sharing a toy between bodies, a condom over it — changed between people — keeps things hygienic.
- Check in. A quick "how's this?" keeps everyone comfortable and usually makes things better.
A ready-made starting point
If you'd rather not choose piece by piece, The Duet Box was made for exactly this: two couples' rings (Élan and the Halo set), the Liaison remote plug, soft cotton rope and two bottles of lube — six pieces for less than buying them separately.
Browse the full For Couples collection for more ideas.
Quick answers
What's the best first sex toy for couples?
A vibrating couples' ring or a small vibrator you can hold between you. Both are simple, and both partners get to enjoy the sensation.
How do I suggest using a toy with my partner?
Choose a relaxed moment outside the bedroom, frame it as something you're curious about rather than a fix, and browse together.
Can we share a toy?
Yes. Clean it before and after use, and put a fresh condom over it when it moves between people. Use a water-based lube with silicone toys.
